Hot Married Sex

Is pornography an aid or an obstacle as far as having hot married sex is concerned? This is a question that many people ask, but the short answer is that there is no short answer. Whether porn enhances a relationship or otherwise depends on the individuals involved in the marriage and what their perceptions of porn are to begin with.

Couples who agree that porn is harmless fun can get a great deal out of porn. They can use it together to increase libido, maybe learn a few tricks and spark a hot, steamy session that brings them closer.

Couples who agree that porn isn’t harmless fun – for whatever reason – can choose to avoid it and find other ways of increasing their libido, expanding their sexual repertoires and keep sex hot and exciting.

The only couples who might have some difficulty with porn is where one partner is really into it and the other isn’t. In this scenario I believe the spouse who is enthusiastic about porn has to discuss the issue with their partner. There are a couple of questions that could be asked:

What is your partner’s definition of porn? It could be that they assume all porn is hardcore to the extreme and involves peanut butter pony play in gimp masks. If so, they might still feel comfortable watching much gentler porn with a plot that provides a more romantic context.

How would they feel about you watching porn in private from time to time? If it’s an issue for them you need to find out so that you can respect the wishes of your spouse and keep your marriage strong and healthy. Watching porn in secret may give you a thrill in the short term, but if the cost is marital peace and harmony, I’d say the short term thrill would come at far too big a price.

What alternatives to porn would your partner be willing to explore? How about verbal porn, where you both create your own scenarios? Or maybe reading explicit fiction to each other would provide all the thrill you need to pep up your sex life?

This is a big subject, so I will be revisiting it in the near future. For now, I’d conclude that porn isn’t actually necessary for a married couple to have hot sex, but that it does help many – especially when they’ve been together for years and know every inch of each other intimately.

And for those of you who want to explore the world of non-porn sexual video (yes, there really is such a thing!) I suggest you take a look at My Beautiful Agony and I Feel Myself. You may be surprised at just how arousing non-porn can be!

The key to hot sex in a marriage isn’t stamina, technique, setting, fantasy or fetish (although all of those things can and probably will play a part) but something much more fundamental: communication. Put simply, the better you and your spouse are able to communicate with each other, the more enjoyable and fulfilling your sex life will be.

This sounds obvious, right? But many couples hardly talk about sex in an open and adult manner. Instead, they tend to try and second-guess each other, making assumptions about what their spouse likes without every bothering to find out if any of those assumptions are accurate.

If you want to have some of the best, mind-blowing sex of your married life, you need to start communicating about the topic. Here are some tips to get you started:

Pick Your Moment
Starting a conversation about sex whilst queuing at the supermarket checkout or doing the dishes probably won’t be very effective. Instead, pick your moment so that you know you will both be relaxed and in a fun mood. Dim the lights, get comfortable and – if you like – crack open a bottle of wine.

Ask Questions
Take it in turn to ask each other questions that you’d like the answers to. We currently have a sex questions game in development here at Hot Married Sex that we will tell you about as soon as it is available, but for now you can use any questions that come to mind. Here are some examples:

• What is your favourite sexual act?
• What is your favourite position?
• What word turns you on more than any other?
• What was the last sexual fantasy you had?

Be sure to take it in turns asking each other questions so that communication develops. If you ignore this advice the whole exercise could feel like an interrogation for the person being questioned.

Be Honest
When answering questions that your spouse asks you, always be honest. Of course, you should always be sensitive to their feelings, but as far as possible, speak the plain truth. If you fantasise about your spouse being more dominant or submissive in bed, say so. If you like it when they moan obscenities during sex, specify which ones turn you on the most. The more honest and open you can be when playing this conversation game, the more you will get out of it.

By making communication like this a regular part of your life, you and your spouse will soon learn more about each other than you ever imagined possible. Even if you’ve been married for twenty years, this exercise will help unlock the kind of dynamic sexual energy you might not have thought possible. Just talking about sex in such a frank way will probably turn you on, and that’s great. But why not then start incorporating some of the things you learn in these conversations into your sex life? If you do this, you’re guaranteed to take things to a whole new level.

Sex and the brain are intimately linked. In fact, we’ve all heard that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone in the body of both men and women. What this means is that if you don’t turn your brain on, you’ll have a hard time turning anything else on. Here are three secrets of Erotic Psychology that you can use to help put yourself in the mood…

See Yourself As An Object Of Lust
No matter how long you have been married, self-confidence is the most attractive quality you can have.  The more you can project an aura of confidence, the more erotically appealing you will be.  All you need to start experiencing and projecting this high level of confidence is the right mindset.  Simply imagine as vividly as possible that you are sexy and desirable. Get into the habit of doing this several times each day and you will automatically conduct yourself in a sexier, more attractive way. Not only will this make you feel more like having hot sex, it will also make your spouse feel like it too.

Generate Sexual Energy
The more you think about sex before the actual event, the more sexual energy you generate, resulting in bigger, more powerful orgasms when that energy is finally released.  You should therefore make a point of deliberately thinking about sex several times throughout the day, perhaps by reading an explicit book or magazine (see this page for our recommendations), thinking about your lover or simply losing yourself for a few minutes in a favourite erotic fantasy.  If you do this regularly, you will find that your sexual energy – and the level of satisfaction you experience – increases dramatically,

Give As Though You’re Getting Paid For It
When you’re finally between the sheets, act as if you and your spouse are getting paid an enormous amount of money for your efforts.  Either take it in turns to role-play being an escort to each other, or imagine that you’re both being filmed for what will be the most erotic movie ever made.  Both attitudes will make you a more attentive, proactive lover, and your partner is likely to reciprocate with an equal amount of focus and enthusiasm.  Enjoy!

Hot Married Sex is a blog about getting the most out of your sex life with your spouse. Whether you have been married for two years or twenty, making hotter sex a priority has a number of benefits. For example, couples who have hot sex on a regular basis tend to be more intimate in every other area of life. Another benefit is that hot sex is one of the most enjoyable forms of cardio exercise we know of, and can help you to burn a few calories and have fun at the same time. And yes, hot sex can make your marriage stronger.