Hot Married Sex

In yesterday’s post on Sexual Polarity I explained how our positions on the scale of sexual polarity determine how passionate and intense our relationships are. The maximum amount of passion is experienced by partners who are on opposite ends of the scale, and the least amount by those who are hanging around together somewhere in the middle. I then left you with the task of identifying where you and your partner currently are on the scale, and where you both were when you first got married.

Now take a look at that homework. Have your positions changed at all? Has the passion changed? Would you like to increase the amount of passion you have? Are you prepared to move yourself on the scale to get things started?

If you answer to the last two questions is yes, you will be relieved to learn that moving along the scale in either direction isn’t difficult. However, it may demand that you ignore modern “political correctness” and embrace a few traditional ideas about masculine and feminine traits. My advice is to try following my suggestions and judge them on the results you get rather than on any theoretical notions you have about how things should work.

My advice is presented in two sections. The first is for those who want to move themselves closer to the masculine end of the scale, and the second is for those who want to move themselves closer to the feminine end of the scale. Each section contains a list of one sentence instructions that have been written in a non-specific way so that you can follow each one without having to compromise your beliefs or attitudes. Spend some time thinking about how you can follow each instruction to become more masculine or feminine, and then do just that.

I suggest you focus on just yourself at this time, as when you move yourself on the scale you will often find that your partner automatically starts travelling in the opposite direction without even hearing about this concept – that’s how deeply it’s embedded in human nature.

Maximising Masculinity

Take responsibility for your own life. Make your own decisions based on reason, logic and common sense. Look out for your family, but don’t be bullied by them. Work smart and work hard to provide for yourself and your family. Take pride in your partner and children. Value them. Respect them. Protect them. Guide them. Set goals and achieve them. Have self-reliance as your ultimate goal. Be direct and to the point in conversations. Take control. Dress like someone who is in control. Walk and talk like someone who is in control. Dominate your life.

Maximising Femininity

Respect the leadership of your masculine partner. Support their decisions and the fact that they are doing what they believe to be the best thing for you all. By all means use your feminine wiles to influence and persuade on important matters, but don’t try to force the issue. Create a calming and pleasant atmosphere for your partner so that they can relax properly. Allow yourself to be guided by your partner. Follow their lead. Support their efforts. Dress for the pleasure of your partner and to make yourself feel as feminine as possible. Walk and talk like someone who enjoys being led by their partner.  Enjoy being taken care of. Speak softly during conversations. Submit.

Now these lists might not go down very well with some people because they contain stereotypes of what it means to be masculine and feminine. My response to that criticism is that stereotypes didn’t become stereotypes by accident, and a traditional view of masculine and feminine tends to work best where sexual polarity is concerned.

Of course, if you’re a woman who needs to be strong and more masculine in the board room at work, you should feel free to do just that. Simply remember to go back into a more “feminine mode” when you return home to be with your husband. The key idea of this whole sexual polarity discussion is that we should all be a lot more aware of how our relative positions on the sexual polarity scale affect our relationships. When we are aware of that, we can all take steps to change our position and enjoy a more passionate and intense relationship – both in and out of the bedroom – as a result.

Sexual polarity is a simple concept that couples can use to make their relationships more exciting, intense and passionate. Note that I said relationships rather than sex lives. This is because sexual polarity plays just as large a role in daily life as it does in the bedroom.

The term sexual polarity refers to the two opposing ends of the masculine-feminine spectrum, and the concept that you can use to improve your relationship is this: opposites attract much more than those who are of a similar polarity. For example, if you are an extremely masculine man, you will be more attracted to an extremely feminine woman than you will to a masculine woman. Similarly, if you are a very feminine woman, you will be more attracted to a very masculine man than you will to an effeminate one.

Isn’t that common sense? Well, yes and no. Yes, because it’s a concept that has been at work (even if not defined) since the dawn of mankind. And no, because far too many couples complain about losing the “spark” in their marriage without considering whether this sexual polarity principle has been broken. And if you aren’t aware of it, the principle gets broken all the time.

Consider a very masculine man who marries a very feminine woman. As the years pass, the woman becomes stronger and more independent. She is used to being in charge at work, and brings that skill home to organise the household and family. At the same time, the man learns to soften his approach to life, communicates more openly about his feelings and even discovers that he enjoys cooking meals for the kids. All of this is good stuff in one context, but because both partners are moving towards each other on the sexual polarity scale, passion in the relationship will automatically decline.

You may think that I am being rather old fashioned here, and deserve the wrath of a thousand feminists, but I am not. The same sexual polarity principle applies to so-called fem-dom relationships where the female enjoys dominating the male and the male enjoys submitting to the female. In these situations, the passion is at its strongest when the female displays the maximum masculine trait of domination and the male displays the maximum female trait of submission. If the man suddenly gets more pushy, or the woman gets more lenient, the dynamic of the relationship changes automatically.

Now I am not saying that we should all choose one end of the spectrum and stick to it rigidly. It’s important for men to acknowledge their feminine side, and just as important for women to acknowledge their masculine side. What I am saying is that being aware of this sexual polarity concept can help you to identify if your relationship could be improved by adjusting the balance a little.

For example, if you know that you and your partner are more like buddies than polar opposites on the sexual polarity scale, you can take steps to move in opposite directions and brace yourselves for the increase in passion and intensity that will automatically follow. I will present some concrete ideas on how to do this tomorrow. Until then, have a think about the sexual polarity scale and try to identify where you and your partner appear on it. Then mark the scale to reflect where you both were when you got married. We will use that information tomorrow.

Many people say that they would like to have sex more often than they do right now, and the good news is that having more sex is quite easy. All you have to do is forget about the frequency and focus on improving the quality of the sex you already have. If you do this, both of you will naturally want to have hot sex more often.

The problem for too many couples is that the sex they have is rudimentary, repetitive and boring. This being the case, it isn’t surprising that it only takes place once a week or once a month. But when the sex is hot, varied and exciting, both partners will want to enjoy it more often. In other words, if you look after the quality, the quantity will take care of itself.

The biggest enemy of hot sex is routine. Even the hottest sexual scenario which originally makes him hard and her damp at the sheer mention of it will lose its appeal if it is repeated over and over with no variety. You should therefore make an effort to shake things up on a regular basis, and avoid doing the same thing twice in one week. If you can avoid doing the same thing twice in a month, so much the better.

Married couples have so many options when it comes to having hot sex that achieving this isn’t as difficult as it might sound. You can role play a dozen different scenarios, have sex in at least half a dozen different places and try scores of sexual positions. One day she can be Miss Scarlet in the kitchen with the whipped cream, and the next time he can be Colonel Shafter in the bedroom with the blindfold. You can take erotic photographs or videos of each other, talk dirty, or even take the wedding dress out of storage and rediscover the erotic potential of the good old-fashioned missionary position. Make as much noise as you can during sex on one day, and try to be totally silent the next… I could continue listing different ways of making sex varied and novel, but if you don’t get the idea by now then you aren’t paying attention.

Unless one partner has a medical problem which causes low libido (in which case a visit to the doctors is in order) most couples can enjoy more sex by forgetting about frequency and focusing on making the sex that they do have as hot as varied as possible, as just described.

Virtual sex is something that seems to be increasingly common, thanks in no small part to online worlds such as Second Life. These allow you to adopt an on-screen persona known as an avatar and enjoy a virtual life in a surprisingly well rendered 3D environment. With the content of the virtual world being created by the users themselves, it isn’t a shock to discover that sex plays as big a part of virtual life as it does real life.

Someone who is totally new to virtual worlds might be surprised to learn that in a place like Second Life you can visit strip clubs, hire escorts, explore BDSM dungeons, take in a porn movie or simply meet a girlfriend and get jiggy in the privacy of your own virtual home. Players can even get married in Second Life.

With full support for voice chat on private channels as well as text chat, virtual sex in a world like Second Life can be likened to animated phone sex. And whilst many married couples would consider such virtual sex to be tantamount to cheating if their spouse got involved with a third party, couples can play the game together and explore their sexual fantasies in a whole new way.

If you have two computers in the house, you could both log onto Second Life, spend a little time making your avatars look attractive (the “noob” look isn’t very appealing) and then experience various sexual scenarios with each other. Fancy having sex outdoors with a dozen or more people watching? There are open sex areas where you can do just that. Want to have a more romantic experience in a virtual ballroom (perhaps because you have kids who make the real thing impossible right now)? You can do that to. In fact, as long as it’s legal and consenting, there’s nothing you can’t do in Second Life.

Virtual sex isn’t for everyone by any means, and after dabbling for a while my wife and I discovered we preferred having a good old-fashioned conversation. That said, we did enjoy playing with slave / master scenarios, being naughty in public and making our avatars as sexually brazen as possible. And, as a form of high-tech foreplay, the game was quite effective.

Of course, Second Life isn’t all about sex, and there’s lots of other things that you and your spouse can do in this virtual world. Make friends from around the world, go for a walk through a rain forest, visit Amsterdam, New York, Paris or Venice. If you can imagine it, the chances are you can do it.

Creating a Second Life character and playing the game costs nothing (though you may want to upgrade your account for a few dollars so that you can buy your own land if you intend to play long term) so if you fancy experiencing virtual sex with your spouse just to see what it’s like, you can do so. Simply visit the Second Life web site to get started.

I haven’t embedded a sex video for quite a while, so here’s a married sex video. As always, it’s for laughs (if you want actual sex videos follow the links on my XXX Links page) and this time it’s a stand-up routine rather than a television commercial. I thought it was funny, and hopefully you will too.