Hot Married Sex

“Say my name, bitch!” is a line from American Pie (delivered brilliantly by Alyson Hannigan) that stays with most people who have seen the movie. “Say my name” – with or without the bitch – is also the title of several popular songs. Now, as if making a further evolutionary leap, it’s the title of this post here at Hot Married Sex.

Married couples tend to call each other lots of different names when having hot sex and even not-so-hot sex. The names range from the gentle babe, honey, love and sweetheart (I’ll stop there before I need a bucket) to the much more intense bastard, bitch and slut. But the most powerful name you can call your partner isn’t any of these. No, the one that works the most magic is so close to home that most of us forget to use it. I am referring, of course, to their Christian name.

What often happens in a marriage is that we get so used to being with our husband or wife that they become, to a great extent, a part of us. This makes for a very comfortable relationship, but it also has its downsides. One downside is that we forget to tell them how much we really care about them (“She should know that by now, dammit!”). Another is that it can make it easier for us to take them for granted. And a third is that we forget to connect directly with them when making love, fucking, having hot sex or whatever else you want to call it.

Imagine how you would feel if, the next time your partner approaches orgasm, they were to look right into your eyes and moan, gasp or scream your real name before finally allowing themselves to be enveloped by their climax. The chances are that hearing them say your name instead of “God!”, “Yes!” or “Yeah Baby!” would have a pretty big impact on you. You’d feel a more intense connection, a greater sense of satisfaction and a more profound feeling of the hot sex having some real meaning.

If you agree with any of that, your homework for the next time you have hot sex is simple: give your husband or wife those incredible feelings by using their real name. Don’t repeat their name throughout the session so that you sound like you’re trying to sell them something, but do be sure to connect with them in this way as you reach your orgasm. It’s a very simple idea, but most people find that it’s a very powerful one.

Talking dirty is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to better sex that I know of, but what exactly is it, why does it work and how can we make it more effective. Those are the questions I want to explore here.

Dirty talk can best be defined as “sexually provocative language”. In other words, it’s language that we use to try and provoke a heightened sexual response in our partner. Note the way I slipped the word “try” in that last sentence. I did that because not all forms of dirty talk will be considered provocative to all people.

Calling one woman “a fucking slut” in the middle of sex may drive her wild. Calling another woman the same could well result in a slap across the face and a sudden period of enforced celibacy. The same applies when women attempt to talk dirty with their husbands. A woman who says “fuck me like a whore!” might get a great response from one type of guy, and no response at all from another.

For dirty talk to be effective, it needs to be tailored to the person who is going to hear it. Obviously you know your spouse better than anyone, so take a moment to think about the kind of things that are likely to drive them wild in bed and formulate a plan to make your dirty talk as effective and mutually satisfying as possible.

Questions To Ponder

What kind of words does your spouse use? What do they say when they refer to a pussy, cock or the act of having sex? When you have clarified this (we all know but seldom think about it) it makes sense to use the same words when talking dirty – unless you know that coming out with a stronger word at the right moment will send your husband or wife over the edge.

What tone of voice does your partner like? Tonality, accent and pronunciation can be just as important as actual content, so be aware of not only what you say, but also of how you say it. Would your husband want you to whisper “fuck me harder” or to scream it out loud? Would your wife want you to moan “God yeah” quietly or to hiss “God, yeah!” through gritted teeth?

What scenarios turn your spouse on? Knowing this can help you tailor your talk so that it presses their buttons. If your husband likes it when you act like a porn star, you can talk like one (watch a few movies for inspiration if you need to). If your wife likes to fantasise that she’s been hired as your escort for the night, talk to her as if that’s the case.

The point here is that the most effective way of using dirty talk to drive your spouse wild is by giving them what they most desire. You will get turned on the more they get turned on, so you both win and hot sex is virtually guaranteed.