Hot Married Sex

Talking dirty is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to better sex that I know of, but what exactly is it, why does it work and how can we make it more effective. Those are the questions I want to explore here.

Dirty talk can best be defined as “sexually provocative language”. In other words, it’s language that we use to try and provoke a heightened sexual response in our partner. Note the way I slipped the word “try” in that last sentence. I did that because not all forms of dirty talk will be considered provocative to all people.

Calling one woman “a fucking slut” in the middle of sex may drive her wild. Calling another woman the same could well result in a slap across the face and a sudden period of enforced celibacy. The same applies when women attempt to talk dirty with their husbands. A woman who says “fuck me like a whore!” might get a great response from one type of guy, and no response at all from another.

For dirty talk to be effective, it needs to be tailored to the person who is going to hear it. Obviously you know your spouse better than anyone, so take a moment to think about the kind of things that are likely to drive them wild in bed and formulate a plan to make your dirty talk as effective and mutually satisfying as possible.

Questions To Ponder

What kind of words does your spouse use? What do they say when they refer to a pussy, cock or the act of having sex? When you have clarified this (we all know but seldom think about it) it makes sense to use the same words when talking dirty – unless you know that coming out with a stronger word at the right moment will send your husband or wife over the edge.

What tone of voice does your partner like? Tonality, accent and pronunciation can be just as important as actual content, so be aware of not only what you say, but also of how you say it. Would your husband want you to whisper “fuck me harder” or to scream it out loud? Would your wife want you to moan “God yeah” quietly or to hiss “God, yeah!” through gritted teeth?

What scenarios turn your spouse on? Knowing this can help you tailor your talk so that it presses their buttons. If your husband likes it when you act like a porn star, you can talk like one (watch a few movies for inspiration if you need to). If your wife likes to fantasise that she’s been hired as your escort for the night, talk to her as if that’s the case.

The point here is that the most effective way of using dirty talk to drive your spouse wild is by giving them what they most desire. You will get turned on the more they get turned on, so you both win and hot sex is virtually guaranteed.

The key to hot sex in a marriage isn’t stamina, technique, setting, fantasy or fetish (although all of those things can and probably will play a part) but something much more fundamental: communication. Put simply, the better you and your spouse are able to communicate with each other, the more enjoyable and fulfilling your sex life will be.

This sounds obvious, right? But many couples hardly talk about sex in an open and adult manner. Instead, they tend to try and second-guess each other, making assumptions about what their spouse likes without every bothering to find out if any of those assumptions are accurate.

If you want to have some of the best, mind-blowing sex of your married life, you need to start communicating about the topic. Here are some tips to get you started:

Pick Your Moment
Starting a conversation about sex whilst queuing at the supermarket checkout or doing the dishes probably won’t be very effective. Instead, pick your moment so that you know you will both be relaxed and in a fun mood. Dim the lights, get comfortable and – if you like – crack open a bottle of wine.

Ask Questions
Take it in turn to ask each other questions that you’d like the answers to. We currently have a sex questions game in development here at Hot Married Sex that we will tell you about as soon as it is available, but for now you can use any questions that come to mind. Here are some examples:

• What is your favourite sexual act?
• What is your favourite position?
• What word turns you on more than any other?
• What was the last sexual fantasy you had?

Be sure to take it in turns asking each other questions so that communication develops. If you ignore this advice the whole exercise could feel like an interrogation for the person being questioned.

Be Honest
When answering questions that your spouse asks you, always be honest. Of course, you should always be sensitive to their feelings, but as far as possible, speak the plain truth. If you fantasise about your spouse being more dominant or submissive in bed, say so. If you like it when they moan obscenities during sex, specify which ones turn you on the most. The more honest and open you can be when playing this conversation game, the more you will get out of it.

By making communication like this a regular part of your life, you and your spouse will soon learn more about each other than you ever imagined possible. Even if you’ve been married for twenty years, this exercise will help unlock the kind of dynamic sexual energy you might not have thought possible. Just talking about sex in such a frank way will probably turn you on, and that’s great. But why not then start incorporating some of the things you learn in these conversations into your sex life? If you do this, you’re guaranteed to take things to a whole new level.

Hot Married Sex is a blog about getting the most out of your sex life with your spouse. Whether you have been married for two years or twenty, making hotter sex a priority has a number of benefits. For example, couples who have hot sex on a regular basis tend to be more intimate in every other area of life. Another benefit is that hot sex is one of the most enjoyable forms of cardio exercise we know of, and can help you to burn a few calories and have fun at the same time. And yes, hot sex can make your marriage stronger.