Hot Married Sex

Hot sex is a great stress management tool, and by making sure that you enjoy hot sex on a regular basis, you can dramatically decrease the chances of being overwhelmed by the trials tensions of daily life. Some people rely on pills and potions to keep their stress levels under control, but hot sex is a much more natural – and arguably much safer – alternative.

We all know that physical exercise helps to reduce stress, but few people remember that hot sex – sex that gets your heart racing – is just as much a form of exercise as swimming, jogging or using a Stairmaster. Okay, you might not burn quite as many calories in bed as you would on a treadmill, but you will still increase your heart rate, release feel-good chemicals (endorphins) and burn up the feel-bad chemical cortisol.

I know that if I go more than a couple of days without having sex, I get stressed very easily. I also know that when I get stressed I feel less like having sex. This is a common situation, but if you aren’t aware of it you could well find yourself in a place where you never feel like having sex and you think the solution is to wait until you feel less stressed. Lots of couples fall into this trap, and as a result they can go for weeks, months or even years without sex, eventually concluding that “sex is overrated anyway” and settling for a life of celibacy by default.

There’s nothing wrong with celibacy if it’s a deliberate lifestyle choice and you happen to be single, but in a marriage sex is a very important glue that helps to hold the relationship together, so allowing stress to slowly dissolve that glue is potentially allowing the relationship itself to weaken.

If regular sex helps to relieve stress and keep a marriage strong, whilst irregular sex allows stress to build up and can put the marriage at risk over the long term, it makes sense to take sex seriously. So be wise and make a point of enjoying hot sex regularly with your spouse. Remember, a hot fuck a day keeps the Prozac at bay…

Yesterday I put forward the idea that sexual tension leads to hot sex. If this is the case, how can we increase the amount of sexual tension in our marriage without damaging the relationship itself? Well, there are in fact several ways, and the most useful are as follows:

Retain Some Independence – Although it’s inevitable that couples grow closer the more time they spend together, you should try to make sure that both of you are able to retain some level of independence. Enjoy separate hobbies and interests, have a few non-mutual friends and generally work at keeping at least some aspect of yourself out of the “couple” category. This will ensure that you and your partner don’t become clones with opposing genitalia, and helps keep sexual tension alive.

Agree To Disagree – Couples who insist that they have to agree on everything, no matter how trivial, are inadvertently quelling the sexual tension in their marriage. Just because you’re married to someone doesn’t mean that you have to have exactly the same views on minor matters. Yes, broad agreement on major issues is important, but a little disagreement about whether it’s better to spit or swallow, or watch porn on DVD rather than on a computer (to provide just two appropriately sexy examples) can be a good thing, because it increases tension a notch or two.

Surprise Your Spouse – If your spouse can predict your every move and word, sexual tension will be low. Increase it by breaking out of habitual patterns and deliberately surprising your partner every now and again. Use explicit language if you’re normally shy and reserved in bed. Reveal one of your most secret fantasies in the middle of a conversation about utility bills. “Forget” to wear underwear and make sure your partner discovers your omission. And if you’re the kind of person who does all of that anyway, go to the opposite extreme and surprise your spouse with flowers, chocolates or a new CD.

There are plenty of other ways to increase sexual tension in a safe way, so I’ll leave you to think up some of your own. Just remember that sexual tension is directly related to difference and surprise, so the more different and surprising you can be in areas that aren’t of any great importance, the more you will be able to keep the tension high and enjoy the hot sex that is associated with it.

The key to hot sex in a marriage isn’t stamina, technique, setting, fantasy or fetish (although all of those things can and probably will play a part) but something much more fundamental: communication. Put simply, the better you and your spouse are able to communicate with each other, the more enjoyable and fulfilling your sex life will be.

This sounds obvious, right? But many couples hardly talk about sex in an open and adult manner. Instead, they tend to try and second-guess each other, making assumptions about what their spouse likes without every bothering to find out if any of those assumptions are accurate.

If you want to have some of the best, mind-blowing sex of your married life, you need to start communicating about the topic. Here are some tips to get you started:

Pick Your Moment
Starting a conversation about sex whilst queuing at the supermarket checkout or doing the dishes probably won’t be very effective. Instead, pick your moment so that you know you will both be relaxed and in a fun mood. Dim the lights, get comfortable and – if you like – crack open a bottle of wine.

Ask Questions
Take it in turn to ask each other questions that you’d like the answers to. We currently have a sex questions game in development here at Hot Married Sex that we will tell you about as soon as it is available, but for now you can use any questions that come to mind. Here are some examples:

• What is your favourite sexual act?
• What is your favourite position?
• What word turns you on more than any other?
• What was the last sexual fantasy you had?

Be sure to take it in turns asking each other questions so that communication develops. If you ignore this advice the whole exercise could feel like an interrogation for the person being questioned.

Be Honest
When answering questions that your spouse asks you, always be honest. Of course, you should always be sensitive to their feelings, but as far as possible, speak the plain truth. If you fantasise about your spouse being more dominant or submissive in bed, say so. If you like it when they moan obscenities during sex, specify which ones turn you on the most. The more honest and open you can be when playing this conversation game, the more you will get out of it.

By making communication like this a regular part of your life, you and your spouse will soon learn more about each other than you ever imagined possible. Even if you’ve been married for twenty years, this exercise will help unlock the kind of dynamic sexual energy you might not have thought possible. Just talking about sex in such a frank way will probably turn you on, and that’s great. But why not then start incorporating some of the things you learn in these conversations into your sex life? If you do this, you’re guaranteed to take things to a whole new level.