Hot Married Sex

In my previous post on Screaming Orgasms I somehow – accidentally, inadvertently, and undeliberately – used the phrase “muff-diving” to refer to the act of cunnilingus. It has now come to my attention that said “muff-diving” is a term that some women don’t like.

Maybe it’s because it makes cunnilingus sound like an Olympic sport. Or maybe some women don’t like to refer to their muffs as muffs because they shave their pubes. In this case, would a shaved muff be better referred to as a buff? And would buff-diving then be a similarly unacceptable term?

It never ceases to amaze me how language divides people, especially in the area of sexuality. Should we say vagina, pussy or something else? Should we say penis, cock or dick? Is cunnilingus preferable to muff-diving, eating out or drinking from the furry bowl? And what about fellatio? Is that really any more polite than saying cock-sucking or dick-licking?

Some people could get offended when I refer to hot sex as “fucking”, because they might assume that fucking doesn’t involve love. But for me, it does, because I only ever fuck my wife, and I love her to bits. And that brings me to my point, which is this: words can only be offensive when the person being offended brings their own definition to those words.

When I say muff-diving I mean the fine art of going down on my lady and performing a loving act of cunnilingus. That’s my definition of the phrase, so I don’t find it offensive or intend offence when I use it. However, if you picture a guy standing on a diving board wearing a snorkel and flippers, about to make a leap of faith into an overgrown pussy – sorry, vagina – then I can understand how it might not be such a pretty phrase for you. But remember, YOU put that guy in flippers, not me.

So, whilst you’re here, make yourself useful and tell me what words you prefer to use for the following. Also tell me which words for the following turn you on the most, if those are different:

1 – Penis
2 – Vagina
3 – Sexual Intercourse
4 – Fellatio
5 – Cunnilingus

Talking dirty is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to better sex that I know of, but what exactly is it, why does it work and how can we make it more effective. Those are the questions I want to explore here.

Dirty talk can best be defined as “sexually provocative language”. In other words, it’s language that we use to try and provoke a heightened sexual response in our partner. Note the way I slipped the word “try” in that last sentence. I did that because not all forms of dirty talk will be considered provocative to all people.

Calling one woman “a fucking slut” in the middle of sex may drive her wild. Calling another woman the same could well result in a slap across the face and a sudden period of enforced celibacy. The same applies when women attempt to talk dirty with their husbands. A woman who says “fuck me like a whore!” might get a great response from one type of guy, and no response at all from another.

For dirty talk to be effective, it needs to be tailored to the person who is going to hear it. Obviously you know your spouse better than anyone, so take a moment to think about the kind of things that are likely to drive them wild in bed and formulate a plan to make your dirty talk as effective and mutually satisfying as possible.

Questions To Ponder

What kind of words does your spouse use? What do they say when they refer to a pussy, cock or the act of having sex? When you have clarified this (we all know but seldom think about it) it makes sense to use the same words when talking dirty – unless you know that coming out with a stronger word at the right moment will send your husband or wife over the edge.

What tone of voice does your partner like? Tonality, accent and pronunciation can be just as important as actual content, so be aware of not only what you say, but also of how you say it. Would your husband want you to whisper “fuck me harder” or to scream it out loud? Would your wife want you to moan “God yeah” quietly or to hiss “God, yeah!” through gritted teeth?

What scenarios turn your spouse on? Knowing this can help you tailor your talk so that it presses their buttons. If your husband likes it when you act like a porn star, you can talk like one (watch a few movies for inspiration if you need to). If your wife likes to fantasise that she’s been hired as your escort for the night, talk to her as if that’s the case.

The point here is that the most effective way of using dirty talk to drive your spouse wild is by giving them what they most desire. You will get turned on the more they get turned on, so you both win and hot sex is virtually guaranteed.