Dirty sex, filthy sex, nasty sex – it seems that most of us like to, or are at least in the habit of, describing sex in fairly dark ways. Of course, very few of us really believe that sex is dirty, filthy or nasty, but there is something about ‘getting down and dirty’ that sounds a lot more appealing than ‘making sweet sweet love’.

The same observation can be made about the way in which we talk to our partners about and during the sexual act. ‘I want to ride you hard’ tends to get the primal desires roused far more effectively than ‘I want to enjoy rigorous intercourse with you’, even though both statements say roughly the same thing.

I think that our preference for talking dirty stems from cultural ideas about sex that were handed down to us during childhood. Many of us were taught, either explicitly or implicitly, that words such as ‘cock’ and ‘fuck’ were ‘dirty, nasty words’ and shouldn’t be used to describe male genitalia or the act of intercourse. In fact, they were the regular Saxon words for precisely those things, and it wasn’t until society arbitrarily decided they were impolite that they were viewed as anything other than regular words. Naturally, as soon as polite society outlawed the open use of such words, they were all endowed with the ability to turn us on more than they had ever done previously.

Of course, some people really do think that sex itself is a dirty subject, and some people consider even married sex to be a waste of time unless the couple in question are trying to have children. Okay, maybe such people will concede that it’s acceptable to have a bit of missionary once a month as a token, but even mention oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation or handcuffs and they will look at you as if you need locking away.

In a way, this isn’t such a bad thing, because it can add a hue of teenage rebellion to married sex that keeps us feeling young and daring. ‘How many other married couples fuck as hot and hard as we do?’ we might ask ourselves in a self-congratulatory way. The fact is that millions of other married couples are just as hot and hard in the bedroom, but because society likes to keep such facts away from the public consciousness, we all end up feeling a bit unique and rather proud.

My advice is to take that sense of pride and run with it by continuing to have as much dirty, filthy, nasty sex as you like. It won’t change anything, but embracing the concept head on (if you will) can make your hot married sex even more exciting than it already is.

Don’t you wish there was a sure-fire way to become a pro at talking dirty? You’ve seen all the movies, read all the books, even listened to a naughty audio story a time or two, but you are still at a loss for how all these people do it. Dirty talk from someone else sounds perfect, but when it’s your turn to up the ante, you can often be left speechless and blushing.

There is a secret to dirty talk success. The most experience dirty talkers know exactly what it is and how to use it. In fact, it’s so simple that once I tell you what it is, you will be shaking your head and wondering why you didn’t come up with that before!

Are you ready to know the secret? Well, here it is…

Ask questions!

Yes, that’s what I said. To become a pro at dirty talk that is not enough to scorch the sheets, you have to be wiling to ask questions of your partner. Dirty talk is all about communication and knowing what turns your lover on. How will you ever know what trips that trigger if you don’t ask the right questions?

There are several different questions you can ask that will bring the dirty talk fire to bed with you. Start out by asking questions that require an answer: Does that feel good? Do you like it when I do this? Do you want to try that? The answers to those questions will allow you to go further, and tell your partner what you like, too.

Then there are the leading questions, the ones that turn the conversation in the direction you want it to go. Consider this: When you’re in bed with your lover and you’re in the mood for bondage, perhaps you could ask if he or she has been ‘naughty’ and watch for the reaction. If the answer is ‘yes’ then you can go further, with something along the lines of: “You deserve to be punished for that, don’t you?” A simple yes leads to the opening to introduce bondage: “I think I should tie you up and punish you.”

You’ve just tapped into your lover’s secret desires…because you asked the right questions!

The next time you are in bed with your lover, whisper those questions into their ear. Gauge the reaction you get and if it is positive, you can go further! By asking questions, you are giving your lover ample opportunity to speak their mind.

It’s the secret to great dirty talk and better communication, both between the sheets and outside the bedroom. Now go find your partner and give it a go!

More Dirty Talk Examples…