‘Say my name, bitch!’ is a line from American Pie (delivered brilliantly by Alyson Hannigan) that stays with most people who have seen the movie. ‘Say my name‘ – with or without the bitch – is also the title of several popular songs. Now, as if making a further evolutionary leap, it’s the title of this post here at Hot Married Sex.

Married couples tend to call each other lots of different names when having hot married sex and even not-so-hot married sex. The names range from the gentle babe, honey, love and sweetheart to the much more intense names that I’ll leave you to figure out for yourself. But the most powerful name you can call your partner isn’t any of these. No, the one that works the most magic is so close to home that most of us forget to use it. I am referring, of course, to their Christian name.

What often happens in a marriage is that we get so used to being with our husband or wife that they become, to a great extent, a part of us. This makes for very comfortable relationships, but it also has its downsides. One downside is that we forget to tell them how much we really care about them (’They should know that by now, dammit!’). Another is that it can make it easier for us to take them for granted. And a third is that we forget to connect directly with them when making love, having hot sex or whatever else you want to call it.

Imagine how you would feel if, the next time your partner approaches orgasm, they were to look right into your eyes and moan, gasp or scream your real name before finally allowing themselves to be enveloped by their climax. The chances are that hearing them say your name instead of ‘God!’, ‘Yes!’ or ‘Yeah Baby!’ would have a pretty big impact on you. You’d feel a more intense connection, a greater sense of satisfaction and a more profound feeling of the hot sex having some real meaning.

If you agree with any of that, your homework for the next time you have hot married sex is simple: give your husband or wife those incredible feelings by using their real name. Don’t repeat their name throughout the session so that you sound like you’re trying to sell them something, but do be sure to connect with them in this way as you reach your orgasm. It’s a very simple idea, but most people find that it’s a very powerful one.

Manners and etiquette aren’t the most popular words in the 21st century, but they are essential if you want to enjoy hot married sex on a regular basis. If talking about manners and etiquette is likely to make you fall asleep then just think of something called The Dating Mentality.

My view is that if more married men and women worked on adopting the same attitude to their partner as they did when they first started dating them, the level of sexual intimacy and heat they would enjoy as a married couple would go through the roof. Why? Because most couples simply don’t try as hard to impress after a few years of marriage as they did in the beginning.

Think back to the time when you first started dating your spouse. The chances are that you were very particular about the way that you presented yourself – paying attention to everything from the clothes and perfume or cologne that you wore right through to the words you used in general conversation. Guys, you probably tried hard to do gentlemanly things like opening doors and pulling out chairs for your partner. Ladies, you probably tried hard to flirt and look interested without being pushy. And you know what? All of this stuff worked, because here you are, years later with wedding rings on your fingers.

But where did The Dating Mentality go? If you’re like most couples, you probably allowed it to sneak off when nobody was looking. And although years of being together have brought you far closer than you were back in the beginning, the more relaxed attitude probably means that neither of you are as mindful of the impression you make on your partner as you once were.

My suggestion for today is that you go back to how you were right at the beginning of your relationship and brush up on The Dating Mentality. Present yourself carefully to make the best impression you can on your partner and enjoy flirting and playing as you did back then. Not only will your partner find the more obvious interest compelling, it will help you both to tap into the connection that lies at the heart of your relationship. And, yes, you’ll probably enjoy more hot married sex as a result…