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How hot are you? That’s a question that few people ever ask themselves with any seriousness, but one that can help you to pack more sizzle into your sex life than any other.

When most of us think about our relationships, they tend to critically assess their spouse alone. ‘How hot is my wife/husband?’ they ask. ‘Could they be hotter?’ And, ‘What can I do to help them to let go of their inhibitions and unleash their inner nympho/bad boy?’

Whilst such questions can be useful in some circumstances, I have another question that is even more powerful: Would you get turned on if you lived with yourself?

Think about that question for a moment and imagine that you’ve traded places with your significant other. Then, through their eyes, honestly evaluate how much of a turn on you really are. Are you the kind of person that you’d like to live with? Are you as sexy, funny, charming, loving, caring, honest and considerate as you normally think you are? Or are you sometimes demanding, selfish, inconsiderate and deceitful? And would you really and truly be delighted to live with yourself for one year, five years, ten years and more?

Most people who consider such questions honestly will admit that there is certainly room for improvement, and that’s a good thing, because it gives you something to work on to improve your marriage without pointing the finger anywhere outside yourself.

One of the best things you can do to make your marriage stronger, enjoy more hot married sex and bring more happiness into your life is to commit yourself to becoming a better person for the benefit and happiness of your spouse. This doesn’t mean putting your spouse at the centre of the universe; it just means understanding the impact you have on the marriage as a whole, and doing your best to make that impact the very best one you can manage.

So ask yourself again: Would you get turned on if you lived with yourself? If the honest answer is yes, congratulations. Define what makes you so great and do more of it. If the honest answer is hesitant or negative, identify what you can do to improve yourself and start working on those things. By improving yourself you will do your marriage and your hot sex life the world of good, and your spouse won’t fail to notice.

Does your sex life ever feel like it’s become something of a routine? If so, you’re not alone – it’s a common complaint among married couples; even those who have a routine of hot sex. For that reason I’d now like to present you with six ways to vary your sexual routine that might prove useful…

Have Fully Clothed Sex
Most of us get naked when we have hot sex, so try keeping your clothes on for a change. Yes, I’m talking about fully clothed sex. It can be more erotic than you might imagine. All that lifting of skirts, pulling aside of panties and unzipping of flies. Give it a go. But pay for your own dry cleaning.

Make It Wet
Do you use lube? Where do you put it? I thought so. Stop being so predictable and try using it everywhere. Grease each other up and then get down and dirty. Be careful though, it’s slippery when wet.

Choose Sex Names
Ask your partner to choose a sex name that represents their unbridled lust, and do the same for yourself. Then, when you’re having sex, be sure to use those names – a lot. This idea is similar to role play, but requires a lot less planning. That said, it can just as hot if you allow yourselves to get into the spirit of things.

Make Love Like A Porn Star
Watch an online porn movie (or a sexy 18 movie if online porn isn’t your bag) with the explicit intention of copying your favourite scene. Tip for the guys: that movie with the gang bang scene in the garage probably isn’t a good one – choose a straightforward male-female scene that your wife enjoys as much as you do.

Wear Masks
Okay, so maybe you laughed when you watched Eyes Wide Shut, but masks have plenty of erotic potential because they give you both and ‘excuse’ (as if one were necessary) to really let loose. You’ll be surprised at how hot things can get when you both agree to wear a simple mask, so get your ass to the fancy dress store ASAP.

Oppose Your Routine
My final suggestion is that you deliberately oppose your routine by doing things in the exact opposite way that you normally do them. Do you normally have sex with the lights on? Turn them off. Do you have hot sex at night? Try the mornings or afternoons. Is it always in bed? Get busy in the lounge, or why not hire a hotel room for a weekend?

None of the six tips presented here require a degree in rocket science, but they can all fire up the booster engines of your hot married sex life. Ready to launch? Then get to it…

How to spice up your sex life is a question that lots of people are asking so, for the benefit of those who want better married sex, this post provides a number of tips on how to spice up sex.

To start with, define exactly how you want your sex life to improve. Do you just want more married sex? Or do you want to be more adventurous? Maybe you want to try and unleash the ‘sex animal’ that you believe is hiding within your spouse. Or perhaps you want sex with your spouse to be more aggressive and less pedestrian. Whatever the case, knowing what you want is the best place to begin.

Once you have defined what you want, ask yourself if your spouse has ever been that way before. For example, if you want your husband to be more dominant in bed, ask yourself if he’s ever been dominant in bed. If he has, try and figure out what triggered him to be like that, and then work on creating a similar situation that might trigger him to dominate you in the same way. The same applies for men. If your wife has previously revealed a ‘nympho’ side, ask yourself what triggered it and then work on triggering it again in a similar way. Sometimes the simple act of deliberately pushing the buttons of your husband or wife can be enough to spice things up considerably.

If your spouse has never been the way you want them to be, you need to bring the subject up in conversation. It is often a good idea to suggest a role play scenario so that the spicier sex life is proposed as a one-off experience. For example, if you are pursuing the whole “nympho wife” idea, you could suggest that you role play a scenario in which your wife plays a sex-starved nympho. Or, if you want your husband to be more dominant, you could suggest that he takes you harder and more forcefully than usual. Exactly how you phrase your suggestions will depend on your spouse – your aim should be to make the role play sound appealing, not appalling.

Another good way to spice up your sex life is by introducing your spouse to new ideas less directly. Buy some erotic fiction or sexually explicit movies to share together, and suggest that it might be fun to act out some of the scenarios that you are both enjoying. The XXX Links page can direct you to online movie sites that will allow you to watch explicit material together in a very discreet way.

My last suggestion is to be as direct as possible. Sit down with your spouse and say that you think it would be a good idea for the two of you to spice things up a bit. Then ask them if they have any ideas about how you might go about it.  You could well be surprised to discover that your spouse is just as keen as you are to make your husband and wife sex even hotter.